Thursday, June 19, 2014
Flash Yer Flood
Set yer fire
You were born to overflow
- Lia Ices, "Thousand Eyes"
* * *
Listen: you have this. You do. Whatever it is that has you by the short hairs, whatever loss, hurt, disappointment, betrayal has stopped you, has clipped you from behind, I am here to tell you this is not what you were born for. You were born to overflow.
If there's no flow to your juju, it is you damming that shit up, love. You know the answers. You're just too fucked and afraid to live by it. There's no mystery here. There's just the choice to live by the light in your head and not the darkness in your wounded heart.
It is time to be done with that awful half-life.
Flash yer flood. Set yer fire.
* * *
There is nothing quite so useless as asking why things have turned out as they have. One of two things has occurred: 1) you made your life exactly as it is by the choices you made (or did not make), or 2) some outside factor, something well beyond your ability to control or foresee has crashed through the trees and you have yet to find your response to this changed world. Everything else is splitting hairs and apportioning blame. Either you did it, or your response to your circumstance hasn't been its equal.
You can be done asking why. There's no other answers possible and neither of those answers satisfy, do they?
This is why cosmologies are created to buy off karma, to purchase indulgences, earn merits, to explain by ritual the how of the why and give us some measure of comfort and certitude that we have made all the right offerings, done our penance and the gods will be merciful. All in the name of hiding out from own authority and autonomy for the doings of our lives, our responses to the ever changing circumstances that move through our days. If ritual and burnt offerings steady you, then have at it; but don't fool yourself - you are the one who has the work to do, the changes to make to get what is essential in you moving again.
It is not our losses that define us, but our responses to the new world those losses represent.
When you shut down because you feel unequal to the moment remember this: you were born to overflow. It is your very nature to change, to transform and become.
* * *
Move through transformation, out and in.
What is the deepest loss that you have suffered?
If drinking is bitter, change yourself to wine.
* * *
Let me tell you a secret. I write every day, and whether it is a blank page and I have a pen in my hand, or if it is an empty screen and I am typing out my story there is one absolute truth that cannot be avoided: when I (or any artist) approach a blank page, or a blank canvas THERE IS NOTHING THERE. The page is silent. And then I put a word down and that suggests a second word and the sentence to follow implies the one after that. I don't know anything until it is written. No one writes with it fully formed in their heads and merely transcribes it. It comes from nothing. It takes work. It takes listening. It takes a measure of humility to follow where it leads. This is how anything is created: from nothing, then something and the juice of that transformation is letting go of the shore and diving in and trusting what you'll need will be there. And, love, it always is.
If this is true of writing (and it is), how can it not be true everywhere else? Writing is just a sliver of life, but it carries with it the DNA of all life: from nothing something and then something else again. If you are fucked and stuck, if you are hurt, bewildered about the facts of your life, angry, pissed-off, raging about those facts, wounded, broken by those facts you have but to remember that life comes from nothing, grows from shit, the fecund leftovers of previous lives and always, always insists upon itself. The pain you may be feeling is you resisting the changes that have already happened. Let go, my brother. Let go, my sister. You have work to do and denying your power to change, to move, to overflow the banks, to flood your life with what you can still create, what you can still bring to life, to those around you, to your time, is to pretend a lit candle will save you.
You are the fire.
You are the flood.
You were born to overflow.
* * *