Unbidden universe, what summons us,
Awakening, unbidden, in its midst?
- Gjertrud Schnackenberg, "Sublimaze"
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There is this as well: unbidden, we awaken here and are set in motion - clueless, stumbling, stupefied by the fact we are here - and yet we are capable of hewing the rumpus of our days into shapes of our own devising. There is no answer to what summons us, only that we answer the call.
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I think this is our only task: to answer the call. Trouble is most people never hear it, or once they hear it, they fear what it asks of them and so take no action, or they hear it, venture it, stumble because they don't quite know how to handle it and then quit, accepting the general blandishments of credit scores, new wheels and a mortgage for a house too big to be useful.
To unfuck your life you have to keep answering the call.
Willful deafness is not an option.
* * *
Each life contains the seed of its own fruition, but it is not so easy or direct as simply flowering and bearing fruit. We have it harder than plants. We test. We stumble. We get hurt and harden ourselves against it. We doubt. We cavil. We bitch. We fail to act because each thing seems wrong, or if there is some sweet and good thing in our lives we risk nothing that might disturb it, having no faith in our ability to love and act and remain loved and loving while we answer our own unique calling. The fruits of such a life are meager. It never really feels too good. Our clothes never quite fit. That's if you're lucky. Most will simply accept what comes their way without a second thought as to the life they might have lived had they chosen differently.
You have to choose and choose again. You have to keep to your essential self, the gyroscope of your possibility. It will make you prioritize. It will eliminate some possibilities in order to give room to others. But if you take control of the process, if you are walking your path - and not simply following in the wide, smooth paths of others - then you become the answer to what summons you, you are the unbidden universe, the mystery of your days written out in the acts and doings of your life.
There is this as well, my friends: you are always on your path. It doesn't matter if you can't see it. It doesn't matter if you are simply following others orders. You are still on your way. Each step moves you along. You are a pilgrim to your own shrine: your essential self. Whether it be moral, or spiritual, or diamond hard, the destination is to live from the call of your own experience, your own name, your own chance to know what it is like to live and experience what can be experienced by you and your bones.
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The closed doors, the blocked passages, the cul de sacs of our intention are the by-products of not knowing what is asked of us. Just so you know, here is what is asked of you: to live and act with compassion - for your own mistakes and omissions as well as those around you - and to walk it all the way to the end of the line. Such is the task to be unbidden, yet present.
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