Sunday, May 20, 2012

Here Is What

Here is what is
Here is what is
Spiral on down to your sweet heart

Here is what is
Here is what is
Don't you go walking too long in the dark

- Daniel Lanois, Here Is What Is

* * *


Here is what is: you live and from here all things are possible.
Here is what is: your blood is your ink - tell your story.
Here is what is: you'll find your way when you let go of worrying about finding your way.
Here is what is: passion is the cure.
Here is what is: indulging your fears diminishes your life and everything you touch.
Here is what is: love is the only thing that endures - it is our genius.
Here is what is: you will get lost and that is how you get found.
Here is what is: I know it hurts sometimes, but don't you go walking too long in the dark.
Here is what is: if the road is marked it is not your road.
Here is what is: you are here to teach by example only.
Here is what is: you are free - you always have been - to choose.
Here is what is: whatever you have to give you have to give.
Here is what is: happiness and peace are the by-products of commitment.
Here is what is: the best idea untried is cowardice.
Here is what is: freedom and responsibility are the same thing.
Here is what is: you know all this but you learned doubt - now unlearn it.

* * *

Here is what is, you need to stop fighting the wrong fights and figure this shit out for yourself. There's nothing for it, Bub, but for you take up the cause of your life and live the goddamn thing into the ground.

Quit thinking you have to have the whole thing figured out before you get to it. The whole point is to figure it out while it is happening. Seeds, baby, are small, small things, but in the right place with the right attention they insist upon themselves and become other, remarkably other. That's something from nothing. You are something from nothing. Quit waiting. It's all already here. The only thing that's been missing is you.

* * *

A few years ago I met and fell in love with a remarkable woman. We were great. And then we weren't. A seam busted and it all unraveled. The sense of loss was staggering to me. Divorce was a walk in the park - I was leaving behind unhappiness, but this, this was far worse. I was losing greatness, happiness, fire.

Fuck.

No one wants to be on the outside looking in. Yet, that was where I was and the question before me was the same then as it is today: now what? Life is always ready with the questions, the uneasy questions, the hard questions of letting go and getting on with it. You can postpone answering the question for as long as you like, but eventually you must answer it. Now what?

For too long I did nothing. I waited for the world to turn a few degrees. I stood still, stayed in place so she'd know where to find me and in so doing I lost all the momentum I'd earned rocketing out of the divorce, lost all of the mojomentum that brought me to her in the first place. I doubted the gift. I doubted myself and right there buddy-boy I fucked myself right hard and not only did the affair unspool, but so did I.

Fuck. This again? Fuck.

But life still wants its answer: now what?

So I let go. Not the love, not the greatness. That is warp and woof to me, but the rest could go. The good that came to me, is still good to me and that fuels a fire that cannot be extinguished. Not now. Not ever. It is the fire that lights us all up, generation after generation, if only we'd see.

* * *

Don't you go walking too long in the dark. There's nothing there but more darkness.

* * *

Boom. Boom. Boom.

__________

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