Tuesday, January 3, 2012

One Night I

One night I got up and told my father there were witches in my room
He gave me a baseball bat and said here's what you do
When you have finally submitted to embarrassing capture
Take out that baseball bat and show those witches some pasture

- Low, "Witches"

* * *

Let's face it, it's embarrassing to live fucked and stuck. Embarrassing. Fucking embarrassing because you were made for better than you've shown and you know it. So does everybody else. Fucking embarrassing because you've been pretending it isn't so - whistling past graveyards, making assumptions about time enough, adding on a few pounds every year, slowing down and sitting still. Riddle me this: when was the last time you took any action that was born solely out of your self interest? And I'm not taking about the petty, small shit, the manipulations and selfish bullshit, but your ultimate self-interest, the universe's ultimate self-interest - being who you are: fully, complete, no part left out.


That's what's so embarrassing.

* * *

Understand that a life gone off the rails is no surprise. In fact, if it doesn't ever fall apart how will you ever find out what's in you, what you are capable of, how much of a hit you can take and keep moving? See, that's the key right there. Fucked fuckity fucks like you and me take too much pride in the hits we've taken, the hits that crush and stun and stupify us. Our fuckitude rests on the certainty that no one else has absorbed as much as we have. But we leave out the essential part - the need to keep moving. Anybody can get hit. Anybody can absorb a hit. Not everybody can keep moving once they've been hit. We are proof of that.

And then there's this: someone always has taken a bigger hit than you. So quit pretending your trials are anything more than what they are: yours and yours alone.

If you want to unfuck your life then start moving. Taking the hit is no big deal, is nothing to be proud of. That is simply life asking you questions. It is what makes us human. What makes us great is to keep moving.

* * *

Don't be afraid to act. Don't be afraid to take a baseball bat to the witches in your room. It is time for some creative destruction. There are costs associated with it. The witches always make you pay a price, but that price is never greater than the cost of stagnation, of stupefaction, of dying where you stand instead of making them hit a moving target.

Is your fucked life so precious you won't risk unfucking it?
If you were a passenger in a car and the driver fell asleep would you just ride along because that's just how it was? No, you'd wake that fucker up and here's the news: that fucker is you.

* * *

It is in the doing that you come alive.
It is in the doing that life seeks out other life.
It is in the doing that your life takes on its form.
It is in the doing that you find your feet.
It is in the doing that takes a baseball bat to the witches.
It is in the doing that embarrassment ceases.
It is in the doing that your self-interest becomes the same as the universe's.
It is in the doing that you finally unfuck your life.

Now go do something.

* * *



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