Friday, September 16, 2011

If You Are

Green Stamps
If you are here unfaithfully with us,
you're causing terrible damage.
If you've opened up your loving to God's love,
you're helping people you don't know
and have never seen.

Is what I say true? Say yes quickly,
if you know, if you've known it
from before the beginning of the universe.

- Rumi

* * *

If you are here unfaithfully with us, you're causing terrible damage. This is so. This is so. This is so. Your fidelity is the very thread the world hangs by.

Did you not know this?

But fidelity to what? your spouse? your lover? your children? your work? your time? your self? What?

Here's what I got: you must be faithful to that which you are. All the rest - the work, the love, the self - all emanate from this further source, this point of origin.

Do you know where you begin? Where you are from? What animates you?

My friend, Rumi, tells me it is God, God's love and it surrounds and suffuses everything. I don't think he is wrong, but that is too vast, too much horizon for me to take in. My ecstasies are not cosmological. I am an abrupt occurrence in the field of time and as such I can only see from here. My dreams tell me of something larger, and like Rumi, I, too, recognize the scattered light in all things, though I often fail to live accordingly.

This failure is the unfaithfulness he and I are referring to.

If you are not moving in this world as who you are, tat tvam asi (thou art that), then you wreak terrible consequences on the brief pocket of time you are here. The damage extends from you to those around you for you are doing one of two things: 1) robbing them of your true nature and/or 2) harming them with your falsity, your unfaithfulness.

Know what I mean?

* * *

I quit this effort over a week ago. I thought I had finished the work I had set out to accomplish. I hadn't. I simply abandoned my faith in doing it. To what end was I working? Why encounter this page? There are few readers, scores of visitors. There's no money in it. I quit because I lost sight of the truth Rumi is pointing to: you do your work, you become your original self because that is all any of us are here to do. You do your work because by doing so, by carrying your own water, the tasks life has put in front of you you're helping people you don't know and have never seen.  The world moves just that much closer to solace and courage, to wisdom and freedom because you have mustered the courage to be that which thou art. There is one less lost soul. There is one more example that others can learn from. This is your work. This is the purpose and meaning of your days: be.

I gave up a little over a week ago and have been entirely rudderless since. I gave up because I lost my faith in myself, my works, my dreams. This is the singular definition of a fucked life.

Fuck that.

* * *

I am a writer who recognizes in all the other voices a thread of his own, but whose own voice has no mirror. It has made me doubt my ability and the wisdom of trying to be heard. Acceptance is a weighty thing, but not the essential thing. Only the work, my faithfulness to myself as expressed by my works, my loves, my desires matters. It has always been so, from before the beginning of the universe.

I cannot see or imagine God, but I, like you, am an expression of that spark. No one lights a lamp and hides it under a bushel. You were not born for darkness.

Do work, son. Do work.

__________

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for being faithful to yourself and writing this. It inspires me to do the same.

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  2. So glad you found this old post. I wish you well. You have no idea the good you have done me.

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  3. I woke up today with the thought that I should re-visit this blog entry. So I searched and found it. I'm the "Anonymous" who left a message back on 2/20/13. I want to thank you again. This entry is the gift that keeps on giving. Glad to see you've continued to write. With Gratitude, Anonymous :)

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  4. Right the fuck on, my friend. Be well.

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