Tuesday, August 2, 2011

You Cannot Run

RLS
You cannot run away from a weakness; you must some time fight it out or perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?

- RL Stevenson

* * *

This from a man weakened by ill-health his entire life. Perhaps, it is the fact of his physical weakness that he attacked the mental and emotional weakness in man, in himself, overcoming bouts of crippling self-doubt to write and write and write until the thin balloon of an aneurysm burst in his skull and was dead before he hit the ground.

Heroic is the only word I have.

* * *

The fucked are fucked, in part, because they live with a false sense of time. Tomorrow, you see, is time enough to accomplish things. The weaknesses that plague them (self-doubt, fear, anger, et al) are promised another day's respite because the willingness to fight it out or perish simply does not exist. It is a unique tic of the fucked to cling to their miseries instead of thrashing them or being thrashed by them. Life is deemed so precious that an awful life, an awful half-life of never even trying to break free of the fears and doubts that pinch and confine is worth more than perishing in a bid to be free.

But are you really going to perish?

Someday, but not here. No, what would perish is the construct of your identity as a victim or a fucked fucker, or some other unhappy thing that you've grown so accustomed to you want to sew patches onto the corduroy sleeves of your straight jacket. Having a sad-sack self-image is better than none, right? Actually, no.

RLS said this as well: To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.

Well, have you become what you are capable of becoming? Are you even trying?

* * *

Courage is an odd thing. It isn't bravado, but is, instead, acceptance: acceptance of the fact that you are who you are and not someone else, acceptance of the price you must pay for being who you are and not someone else, acceptance that your life is your's to make into the shape, form, color and tenor of your choosing in spite of all external pressures, and acceptance that the reward for all this is simply a good death.

Are you up to it, or is being a fucked fuckity fuck somehow a better deal?

Why not now, and where you stand?

To unfuck yourself you have to be willing to lose the self-soothing lies you sing to yourself. You have to fight it out or perish, because, I hate to tell you, if you don't you're already dead for you'll have missed your chance to become what you were capable of becoming.

Capisci?

* * *

Why not now, and where you stand?

__________

3 comments:

  1. this is great! may i usea this quote "To unfuck yourself you have to be willing to lose the self-soothing lies you sing to yourself. You have to fight it out or perish, because, I hate to tell you, if you don't you're already dead for you'll have missed your chance to become what you were capable of becoming."?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Marissa,

      Use it all you like. I'm glad this piece found you. Just do me a favor: let 'em know where you found it.

      Cheers,

      Mark

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