Out of deference, defiance, the choice
- REM, "It Happened Today"
* * *
If you would have your life be unfucked, then you must set aside all the constructs you have been living by. All of them. They need a good cleaning and a cold eye to determine their value, or lack thereof, in going forward. You must choose what you will keep, what you'll discard, what you'll build: relationships, work, location, habits, preferences, patterns, worship, all of the acts that define - for good or no - your life.
You have to look at each thing and figure out of it is worth hanging on to, fixing or chucking into a fast moving river. The weight of others' choices, the accumulation of cultural norms, and the well-worn trails of all who have come before you are a lulling as to sleep. They say, "This is the way. Everyone thinks they are unique, but they all fall in line here because what is here is good, with attainable rewards and the promise of peace."
A hundred years ago Van Morrison growled out some lines of Blake:
It is an easy thing to rejoice in the tents of prosperity.
Thus could I sing, and thus rejoice,
But it is not so with me.
It is incumbent upon each last sorry one of us to question what is presented to us as the good, or the norm, or the expected and measure it against what is only inside us. And having taken that measure decide its usefulness in our lives. The fucked do no such thing, or if they venture the risk they cower and cavil and carp at the requirements their answer demands of them.
You must choose. You must place one thing higher than another. You must sacrifice A to attain B. There is no hedging of bets. Well, actually, there is. That's what's fucked you in the first place. Asking Google how to unfuck you life is a measure of how far you have fallen from any authority or integrity in your life.
Snap the fuck out of it.
* * *
We'll leave the allegory to another bible story. You have a life to live and doing it behind the skirts of what others expect of you is a poor way to use your time. You can be defiant without being an asshole. You can recognize that each person is somewhere on the continuum of fucked or unfucked and they live well or less well because of it. If they doubt you or try and stop you, have mercy on them and leave them to their narrow straits. If they love you as you are, then return the favor.
Defy what you must.
Defer to those who can teach you.
Choose to live awake.
That's what I got.