|The Jesus of Cool|
- The Gospel According to Jesus, translated by Stephen Mitchell
* * *
"In order to catch the ball you have to want to catch the ball."
- John Cassavettes
* * *
I would only add: In order to unfuck your life you have to want to unfuck it. It isn't going to happen by wishing it would happen, or by waiting for a miracle to clear your eyes, your ears, your very fucking soul of the debris you've allowed to accumulate in your fucked-in-the-headness. The unfucking begins when you act, when you ask, when you knock, when you yell like a little leaguer, "I GOT IT! I GOT IT!"
Until then, it is all fucked up.
And here's the news: you can't ask for money or happiness or peace or any of the good things you wish or want to have. That's still being fucked. All you can ask for, all you can seek is you, just you and that will be all, that will be all, that will be all.
* * *
A great and kind man once told me that God was forever calling us into our names, that there was only one of me and if I didn't fulfill the potential of my name, who would? The purpose of our life was to live it - not in God's name, but in our own. For those of you playing at home you'll understand when I say there is no difference between the two.
* * *
Kurt Vonnegut once referred to today as "Spikenard Thursday" - spikenard being the ointment Mary Magdalene massaged in to Jesus' feet when some later editor had him utter the selfish and unkind words, "The poor will be with you always. Me? Not so much." Since finding Vonnegut's comments (he wonders if it is blasphemy to imagine Jesus as a weary man and of course counts it blasphemy not to) I have been drawn to the day before the day we are told Jesus died. It is a storm about to be unleashed and nothing will be the same after, and just like all storms it is quiet, quiet, quiet in advance.
Every life has a Spikenard Thursday in it - sometimes dozens and dozens and dozens of them - when all is quiet and all is about to change. It is okay. Everything needs to ripen and just as nature cannot stop an apple to coming to fruition, so too once you have decided to act, to ask, to seek your life it cannot help but happen. So, rest today. Close your eyes and rest. Tomorrow you die and once dead you can live again. Unlike Jesus the cross you'll be nailed to is your fear and vanity and the death you'll suffer is your pride and hubris at imagining you can control anything but how you think, what you say and the things you do.
Spikenard Thursday is the day you decide you want to catch the ball. And I promise you, sure as shit, that you will.
* * *
May your Friday's be great rather than good.