Friday, September 3, 2010

To See Clearly

"To see clearly in a living example that a man can be at once very much in earnest and yet able to relax."

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

* * *

One of the most moving passages in the New Testament occurs when Jesus makes a blind man to see. Jesus spits into his hands and wipes them across the man's eyes. His vision is partially restored, it is all out of focus and the man says, "I see men like trees." Jesus gives them another wipe and his vision is completely restored. The fucked are either blind or have spit in their eyes and cannot see clearly, they mistake their fuckedness, their immediate and personal reality, for the entirety of all possible realities. They confuse trees for men, their assume their weak vision is how the rest of the world sees. They wallow.

Lucky for that blind man Jesus didn't give up after the first try.

Who is going to wipe the spit out of your eye?

There is no one here but you.

This is the crux of all these postings: you are the only one who can unfuck your life. Period.

That said, you are not alone, even though you must do the work alone. Your life is flooded with gifts if you would only see them. Every life is made so because where there is life there is the possibility of a complete life. Every life is utterly and devastatingly unique. The needs and demands of one will never find its match in another. You are on your own. No doubt. No doubt. But man is a giddy thing, prone to leaving trails of breadcrumbs in the face of certain obliteration. On walls he scribbles, "Kilroy was here;" at the bottom of the ocean, trapped inside a doomed submarine he writes, "I am writing blindly;" and crippled slaves teach others "The Art of Living." We are the heroes we need. We mark our trail in case someone stumbles upon it and leave clues as to what happened when we walked about. Alone on your trail you are attended by all who have preceded you, as you will attend those who come after you.

It is our greatest achievement.

* * *

In many, many ways my life is fucked right now. External circumstances, events beyond my control and those I once had a hand in are poised to strip me of the last thin veneer of the life that used to be. It is bitter to me to be in this place. But if I stay on that bitterness I stay fucked, and I say fuck that.

Aurelius' call for a relaxed and earnest man, a living example of someone unfucked, attends my dwindling days. To go back to the New Testament they say the last shall be first and the first last. If you can live just one moment of your life unfucked, clear sighted, earnest and relaxed, then you, too, will leave a trail that will help the next fucked up slob as he bumbles along. You will be as Jesus offering a second swipe.

Now work up enough spit and hock a loogie. You'll never know who needs it.


No comments:

Post a Comment