Friday, July 16, 2010

I Was Describing


I was describing to my brother the choices in front of me. There were three options and all of them carried a significant and immediate downside, a loss that could only diminish my life - though each in a different way: maintain the status quo, fight tooth and nail against the status quo, or simply quit.

I explained to him that each option was a type of death, an abandonment of part of myself and it wasn't simply which hurt less, or which would be easier, or which still held a kernel of hope for a better day inside it - no, I told him that the outcomes could not be any of my concern. They existed as projections into the future and were going to be influenced by circumstances beyond my control or ability to imagine.

If the concept of deciding based on outcomes is removed, what remains?

Just yourself. It is a moral question - who are you and what are you willing to do, willing to accept, in order to be who you are?

To quote Roger Daltry, "Who the fuck are you?"

* * *

It is impossible to know the future. That is why so much money is spent of fortune tellers and tarot readings and statistical analysis: we need to know the lay the land before we venture out.

Except it cannot be done.

The future acts like a verb not a noun: it is not fixed, nor is it predictable. Trying to lasso it is the source of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: the more you know about something's position, the less you know about it's motion or momentum. For my purposes here: the more you think you know about the future, the more solidly you are living in the past.

Living in the past, or with the status quo is living in The Wasteland. You are fucked and you either don't know it or don't care anymore.

But once you know you are in The Wasteland, once you know you are fucked, you can't un-know it and the you have to decide:

Who the fuck are you?

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