Not long ago, a matter of a few weeks or so, I was on the phone with my brother detailing some of the madness, the absolute bat-shit crazy madness in my life when he said, "You've got to find a way to unfuck your life."
In order to unfuck one's life one must finally admit that one is fucked to begin with. And this is isn't the good sort of fucking - no sweaty knee-knocking, no visions of heaven, no dirty pillow talk - just the fucked, stuck, it ain't getting better sort thing.
We have all used, or heard the phrase, "Dude, you are so fucked" or some variation on that theme. It denotes a screwing as if to a wall, a predicament without escape, a reckoning so direct there is little to do but hold onto your ankles and pray you live through the forces scouring your life. It is inevitable that each of us will find ourselves fucked from time to time. In the main these instances are just that: instances. They arrive and they leave. Our fucking (over, with) has a short shelf life and we move on.
Except when we don't.
Except when we stay fucked.
Except when we let events spiral so far out of control that the fucked life is the only life there is.
* * *
We are what we think
All that we are arises with our thoughts
With our thoughts we make the world
So begins The Dhammapada, The Sayings of The Buddha. It is, for our purposes here, the beginning of all wisdom.
The fucked life is one that has lost touch with this ground-floor perception. I have lost touch with this reality on more than one occasion. It is... debilitating to say the least. It is the fucking that fucks your life, keeps you stuck, keeps you on a perpetual motion machine of making the same mistakes, of tending to your wounds as if they were stigmata and unique in the world. Your misery is just that - yours: self-created, self-fulfilling. No matter what external circumstances contributed to your afflictions, you are always, and always have been, free.
You've just been too fucked to notice.